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Golden Rules of Swinging

By on December 20, 2009

Swinging is one of the most erotic lifestyles for couples and singles, but there are rules that need to established and followed for it to be a success. I have met many people that have entered into the lifestyle with the wrong intentions for them and / or their significant other; it either ended their marriage or relationship, or gave them a bad reputation amongst the community. I wrote this post in the attempt to help newbies, or even people with plenty of time in the lifestyle. I have assembled some of what I think are the top “Golden Rules” to follow.

Golden Rules of Swinging:

  1. No means no – whether it’s you, your partner, another couple, or another participant, no matter where you are in play, don’t push or insist on something that everyone is not comfortable with. The situation is for everyone’s enjoyment and pleasure.
  2. Respect – The rules of the club, house or venue that you are at, the other people attending and the situation. For example, not every place permits or is appropriate for open sexual activities.
  3. Rejection – Every person or every situation is not going to be right for you and vice versa. If you are approached but not interested, respond the way you would want someone responding to you if the situation were reversed.
  4. Jealousy – It is normal for certain situations to spark a little jealousy. Be respectful to your partner, whether it is your partner or you having these feelings. Again, a code signal, whether it be a look or word, is appropriate in this situation. Making a scene is not.
  5. Security – This can not be stressed enough. Your partner is number one and it’s your responsibility to make sure they are secure about this the entire time. If you are both socializing separately, return to your partner occasionally to share your attention. Sometimes a look, a touch or some kind of reminder that you are still very aware of them is all that is needed. No one, including you, wants to feel forgotten because there are other possibilities around.
  6. Judgment – Again, every person is not going to appeal to you. Don’t be judgmental or mean about it.
  7. Honor rules and boundaries – Before you get in a swinging situation, set boundaries and rules as a couple. These rules will make or break this lifestyle for you as a couple. Do not break or cross them for any reason.
  8. Body language – It is easy to get caught up in the mood and assume everyone is in the same mindset. It is not always the case. Be aware of your partner’s body language and anyone else’s involved in the situation. Watch for clues that someone might not be comfortable.
  9. Discretion – Demand absolute discretion and be worthy of the same. Discretion is paramount in this LifesStyle! Privacy is imperative! Never, ever discuss details inappropriately. The saying goes, “Everything you see here, everything you hear here, must remain here when you leave here.”

Here are some great books at Amazon to help you explore more about the Swinger Lifestyle:

Swinging for Beginners: An Introduction to the Lifestyle (Revised Edition)

Recreational Sex : An Insider’s Guide to the Swinging Lifestyle

The Guide to Swinging



  1. Belles

    December 22, 2009 at 9:03 pm

    I’m new to the swinging lifestyle. And these rules are a great help to me. I am sure I would have had all these questions, so I am glad you answered some of these for me.

  2. Natalia

    August 10, 2011 at 4:25 pm

    Thank you.

    Very helpful


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